Perhaps the Ultimate Pirate Video
It’s got everything: crappy music, worse dancing, puppets, pirates, Christian rap. Words cannot describe it.
Update, Sep. 12, 2006: Favorite comment: “Can’t sleep, the puppets will eat me. “
Update, Sep. 13, 2006: Another good comment: “Okay America, we gave you religious freedom, and you do THIS with it […] Watching this, some would say the terrorists have already won. But NO ONE WINS with this video.”
September 10th, 2006 at 10:00 am
Do these people ever think that maybe pirates do not provide good role models for kids? This summer, there was a Vacation Bible School with a pirate theme. Did they mention how pirates were hanged?
September 10th, 2006 at 11:18 am
Christian evangelists have a tin ear when it comes to pop culture. Pirates are big at the movies, so they try to incorporate murderous, sodomising, thieving drunkards into their message of love,faith, heterosexuality and chastity. Just as they tried to use dinosaurs after Jurassic Park became a monster hit., even though dinosaurs are almost impossible to squeese into a creationist paradigm.
September 10th, 2006 at 11:39 am
Mark:
Then again, is this any worse than sending kids out dressed as pirates, witches, ghosts, ballerinas, NASCAR racers, etc. on Halloween, a holiday that’s nominally about evil and mischief, but is now about nothing more than costumes and candy?
There are two types of pirates: the real ones whom you describe, who were (and still are, in some areas) murderous thieves, and the pop-culture kind, who are basically adventurous rascals.
I’m pretty sure that when PZ MeyARRRRRRRs or I talk about Talk Like A Pirate Day, you don’t think we’re advocating plunder or murder, so I’m willing to give the fundies a bit of a break in that respect.
The rap and dancing in that video, though, are genuine offenses.
September 10th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
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September 10th, 2006 at 4:33 pm
“’The rap and dancing in that video, though, are genuine offenses.’”
“And, of course, these objections are made only when Christians are involved.”
Did you even TRY to WATCH that video? I tried…I never got to the Christian message because I HAD to turn it off after 20 seconds of play. The rap and dancing in that video WERE genuine offenses. It was bad, bad, bad.
I can’t believe you are defending that horrid garbage. Now that is nonsense.
September 10th, 2006 at 4:50 pm
Haha, christian morons disguised as pirates. LOL
September 10th, 2006 at 4:50 pm
That’s about as cool as rapping to your kids about staying away from drugs.
September 10th, 2006 at 5:10 pm
Kinell. They bothered banning coveting their neighbour’s ass and allowed that? ‘At baint be roight!’ as any self respecting pirate would say.
September 10th, 2006 at 5:42 pm
JASON!!! I’d wondered where the dunbest fuckhead on earth was posting! Listen, baby-brains: whatever “religion” or politics someone like YOU believes in is definitely to be briefly ridiculed and then ignored, like any opinions a fuckhead like you may venture.
BTW, the video was remiss in NOT having a pirate-costumed dinosaur.
September 10th, 2006 at 5:43 pm
Um, Disneyland is now officially on the evil fascist list, or haven’t you been paying attention this week? ;^)
September 10th, 2006 at 9:40 pm
Maybe I’m asking a bit too much here, but I kinda wanted to see what Jason’s comment said. I enjoy the writings of the likes of him.
September 11th, 2006 at 2:53 am
arensb: …Halloween, a holiday that’s nominally about evil and mischief
Just a quick note.
Halloween was never about evil or mischief.
It originated among several cultures as a fall harvest festival, called “All Hallows Eve”, and among the Celtic as “Samhain” (Summer’s End). People lit bonfires and children “guised” in costumes and recieved gifts of harvest fruits and nuts from their neighbors. It was later appropriated by Pope Gregory III as an eve of celebration for All Saint’s Day on Nov. 1st.
Mostly Christians who dislike Halloween do so because it is based on a filthy pagan holiday and thus must be about evil and trickery, but it isn’t.
September 11th, 2006 at 3:17 am
Um,
And Christians wonder why they’ve been persecuted for millenia. . .
Alas Nero’s romans knew how to deal with this drivel.
September 11th, 2006 at 3:17 am
Fuck the skull of Jesus, I thought the David Hasselhoff videos were bad. “Tin ear to pop culture” is rather an understatement. There’s nothing cool about religion, and this abomination just proved it. This thing would make me LESS likely to believe or follow anything written in the bible. Please Dear Lord, save me from your followers. LOL!
September 11th, 2006 at 8:04 am
This show was nuts….it’s pirate themed because the main guy is an ex-hells angel who lost a few of his limbs in a bike accident, so now he’s Captain Hook. What’s even better is when he’s performing a fake autopsy on someone with his junior pirate partner (who has super-shifty eyes), and they pull out a beer can and some cigarettes. It’s on Evil Video 3, I believe, for anyone curious.
September 11th, 2006 at 8:36 am
I am so very offended.
September 11th, 2006 at 9:34 am
Oh…my…
Remember that episode of South Park with that group called “Butt Out” that tried to be cool while rapping about the dangers of smoking? That’s what came to mind.
September 11th, 2006 at 9:34 am
Please make it stop
September 11th, 2006 at 9:35 am
I just noticed that the email notification of Jason’s comment is message number 666 in my inbox.
September 11th, 2006 at 10:27 am
Thanks Gawdzilla!!! for putting the facts about Halloween down! it’s nice to see that atleast -someone- is informed in this world.
Ash
September 11th, 2006 at 10:30 am
Hey Devil,
How that whole crucifixion thing work out for you? Not so well huh? Resurrection–who saw that coming?
And Nero…he really stopped that fledgling religion that started out with 11 guys, huh? What….no? Huh. And your point was?
September 11th, 2006 at 1:46 pm
JoJo writes:
“huh? What….no? Huh. And your point was?”
Frankly, if this video is indicitive of how Christ’s message on Earth ended up, Nero didn’t need to bother.
September 11th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
My brain doth bleed.
September 11th, 2006 at 3:36 pm
Christians sure manage to fuck up Christ’s alleged message every chance they get. “Jesus saves all” unless you’re gay, or don’t conform in any way to the upper middle class christian ideal. They preach against exclusion and hypocrisy on one hand, but fully embrace it in the other. Why do you never find white folks in black churches, or blacks in chinese christian churches? So much for the message that everyone is the same under the eyes of God. No wonder that normal people hold religious evangelists in lesser regard than prostitutes. No Christian can PROVE to me that Jesus wasn’t anything more than an enlightened guy who was pissed off with the Jewish High Command and ended up getting screwed over because of it. Nor can they PROVE to me that their message is any more truthful or “better” than those of other religions in the world. Who’s to say Christianity is any more legitimate than the Greek Myths?
September 11th, 2006 at 5:40 pm
[…] http://www.ooblick.com/weblog/2006/09/09/perhaps-the-ultimate-pirate-video/ […]
September 11th, 2006 at 6:18 pm
There are no words. If you like this, you should check out Shemm.
Shemm.com or shemm fan club via google.com
September 11th, 2006 at 7:13 pm
Offensive? Yes.
Tasteless? Yes.
“look at all those cute girls” a subliminal dig at homosexuals?
yup.
Two guys dancing together in pirate drag? Wrong on too many levels.
But My neighbor, Ned Flanders, thinks it’s good enough for his kids. Of course he thinks the Easter bunny is a graven image, and worships a cross.
If Jeebus was hanged like a pirate, would all christians be wearing crosses around their necks?
Yeah.
Would that make things easier for people who worship logic?
Probably.
But it would make internet porn look wierd.
I like seeing the bukkakked crosses, so leave well enough alone.
Freaking farkin’ photo opted poop culturists that christians are, they sink to levels well below Day Jones’ locker.
ARGH!
September 12th, 2006 at 1:30 am
This does lead to an interesting theology question:
By including pirates are they trying to counteract global warming? Is this really a secret act of FSM’s Noodly Appendage?
September 12th, 2006 at 2:51 am
This makes the baby Jesus cry!
September 12th, 2006 at 4:15 am
I’m sure a handicapped mandrill could dance better than those throwback christians.
September 12th, 2006 at 5:58 am
[…] From Ooblog, via Fark. […]
September 12th, 2006 at 11:10 am
Thou shalt not take Captain Hook’s name in vain!
September 12th, 2006 at 12:46 pm
*Unzips pants….masturbates furiously
September 12th, 2006 at 2:50 pm
Stoooooooo-PID! And it needs subtitles………. on second thought, never mind the subtitles, I really DON’T want to know what they’re saying!
September 12th, 2006 at 3:51 pm
Hey Jesus, how come your dad had you crucified (nasty!) and then allowed at least 2000 more years of sinning? Could it be that he just fucked off and left you? Never mind, he gave the rest of us all those boring Christians with their shiny eyes and silly tongues, and your dad has been worshipped so much that surely even he must have come by now. Kind of worked out just right, huh?
September 13th, 2006 at 10:20 pm
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Was taken from Luke 23:34 I am quoting scripture not because the Pirate Video did not live up to it’s potential in your eyes or mine but, because there is so much hate and anger amongst you over Christ and us as his disciples. Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice for our sins. He paid them in full as he said on the cross. God sent his son to pay the price for all of us.
As a Christian it is hard for me to see Christ still being persecuted by those who do not know Him. I know to be like my Jesus I have to forgive you all for what you have said against Him, because you do not know Him. I forgive every word and pray that one day you will come to know the Jesus I know. I am eternally grateful for how much my Jesus loves us all.
If you want to come to know Jesus this is all you have to do - “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9
September 13th, 2006 at 11:01 pm
SimplyPatty:
Could you explain this? This part has never made much sense to me.
And how exactly does one make oneself believe something?
Why don’t you believe in Zeus or the Flying Spaghetti Monster for a few minutes to show me how it’s done?
September 14th, 2006 at 1:10 am
SimplyPatty:
It’s this part that I don’t understand. What debt are you talking about? It’s certainly not a debt I incurred,
And how does one repay a debt by dying? If I owed you some money, and killed myself, how would that repay the debt?
See, I can’t just decide to believe something. But you say you can, so could you please believe in unicorns or something for a few minutes and show me how it’s done?
September 14th, 2006 at 1:30 am
OK, so you found one of the suckiest videos ever made and it’s religious. I wonder if I could find one that isn’t religous???
Is this proving something or just making you feel better because some Christians don’t have taste?
Get over the frivolous things you don’t like and look at what lies behind.
September 14th, 2006 at 7:34 am
arensb,
As a believer the debt I owe Jesus is my life for he died to save me from death. Jesus saved me from the wage of sin which leads to death.
As a believer no one other than Christ can pay for a debt by dying or Killing themselves. Jesus showed he was sent by God by rising again.
Before I made my conscious life decision to choose Christ. I was ready. God had been working in my life for a long time and to me the next step was either to decide to believe in Christ or not to. I chose to believe with my whole heart that Jesus was the truth.
Once I made the choice to believe in Christ my mind was made up and my life is now much fuller. I never have had a desire deep within me to believe in anything else other than God and Jesus as my savior, not even unicorns.
That is how it was done in my life. It was not long ago that I did not choose to believe in anything.
“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.” Matthew 17:24-28
September 14th, 2006 at 2:50 pm
Like what Believer said, great….you found a group of Christians without style, taste, or any idea about pop-culture. Good find. Maybe if we threw in the G-Unit and Bun-B and they talked about the same thing this could be #1 on BET’s top 10…..give me a break, if you are looking to exploit Chrisitians for being dorky and lacking in areas that you apparently find important then go for it, you will find plenty. Needless to say they aren’t concenered about what you think about them, they are just fulfilling their call to spread the good news of Christ….
September 14th, 2006 at 4:10 pm
SimplyPatty:
We seem to be talking at cross-purposes here. When I say “believe in God”, I mean “believe that God exists”. When I say I don’t believe in God, I mean that in the same way that I don’t believe in Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, or Zeus.
You, on the other hand, seem to be using “believe” in the sense of “trust” or “have confidence in”. If Bob says “when Jim opened his restaurant, everyone thought it would close within the year, but I believed in him”, Bob is saying that he trusts Jim’s abilities. It’s obvious from context that he already believes that Jim exists.
See what I mean? The way I read this, you’re saying that before you chose to trust Christ, you already believed that God exists.
But getting back to the original question:
Okay, but how does this work? What kind of debt can be repaid by dying? And how exactly does the death repay this debt?
This makes no sense. What exactly did you borrow from Jesus? When did you do this? Do you have a copy of the paperwork anywhere?
September 14th, 2006 at 9:05 pm
Yeaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!!! PLUNDER AND PILLIAGE FOR JESUS!!!!!!!
I used to be a fence sitter on the whole ninja/pirate thing, and this video made me fall over into ninja land.
Now that I’ve mentioned ninjas, let’s see if the fundies will try to use them to spread their message of their lord and savior! Naruto’s pretty popular these days…….
September 15th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
SimplyPatty:
You’re not answering my question. You keep bringing up bits of Christian mythology, but you’re not explaining how Jesus’ death repays any kind of debt. You said that I can’t repay a debt by dying, that only Jesus managed it, but you haven’t explained how that works.
I can sorta see how it works as myth: if killing a dove atones for a small transgression, and killing a sheep atones for a larger one, and killing one’s child atones for a really big transgression, then killing a god must atone for an unimaginably large transgression. But that’s just storytelling. The real world doesn’t work that way.
September 15th, 2006 at 10:06 pm
I have answered your questions based on what I believe to be true. You have heard the message of truth as so many have accepted and know it to be the truth. If you choose to think God is a made up story or a Myth like Santa Claus or The Easter Bunny etc. then you that is your choice we all are born with a free will to make that choice. I pray that some day you choose Christ. Thank you for your time. Good-bye and God Bless you.
September 19th, 2006 at 10:06 am
r s cwrdl tht mst “dsmvwl” m lk PZ ds? Hw tllng.
October 3rd, 2006 at 5:44 pm
What do you expect? After all They’re christians. which usually means there isn’t a whole lot of truthful, intellectual thought.
Oh and for “Simply Patty” (the first name says it all doesn’t it?)
God Is a myth, like it or not. I suggest you look up the definition of myth. “Myth” is not tied at all to real or not (Although I’d lean to “not” for this silly god thing)
October 24th, 2006 at 5:39 pm
don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. People make poop not the other way round way round.
October 24th, 2006 at 9:47 pm
jj: Which baby and which bathwater are you talking about?
April 4th, 2007 at 9:57 am
Arensb, let me see if I can answer your questions more clearly.
The Bible says in Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Everyone has done at least one thing wrong, and noone is perfect the way that God is perfect. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages for sin is death”. The punishment for our sins is physical and spiritual death. Because we are sinners, we deserve this penalty. This is the penalty that Jesus paid - his death on the cross paid for my sins. I owed my life, and he paid my debt with His life. This is the debt that I owe Jesus. Before Jesus died, I could not approach God - God is Holy. He is perfect, and he hates sins. Before Jesus died, my sin separated me from God. God doesn’t force us to accept Jesus’ death as payment for our own sin. He allows us the choice. You’re right, there is a difference between believing in the existence of a person and believing in a person. It is the latter that the Bible is talking about when it says, “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” God does love you - no matter how you feel about Him, God loves you. He will not force you to accept Him, but he waits for you with open arms. You say you don’t believe that God or Jesus exist, I would encourage you to check out a book by Josh McDowell - Evidence that Demands a Verdict. He, too, was an athiest. He was impressed by the amount of detail in the Bible, and decided that he would use the information in the Bible and find an error. He wanted to prove the Bible wrong. His desire to prove it wrong resulted in him becoming a Christian. This book is filled with evidence that the Bible is true. I look at it this way - when I die, if I’m wrong and the Bible is a myth, I’ve lost nothing. I’ve lived a happy life, and my faith in God has filled me with peace and joy throughout my life. On the other hand, if you’re wrong, and the Bible is true and Jesus really did die to pay for your sin, then you’ll have lost everything. Please read this book - I’d love to hear what you think about it.
April 4th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Becky:
It seems to me that everyone dies, whether they’re good or bad, sinners or not. I understand that according to the Bible, only three people have ever been sinless: Jesus Christ, and Adam and Eve (pre-fruit).
Jesus, also according to the Bible, died on a cross. Adam died after a few centuries. I don’t think the Bible explicitly says that Eve died, though it implies that she died no later than the flood. In any case, Genesis 3:22 says that Adam was never immortal, no matter what people like Ken Ham may say.
In short, it’s not that “the wages of sin is death”, but rather, “everyone dies”.
How exactly does this work? If I robbed your house, could I later find someone who commit suicide or was killed, and say that by dying, he paid the penalty for me, so I shouldn’t go to prison?
At any rate, if Jesus wanted to erase a debt that you owe him, why can’t he just do so? I’ve forgiven a number of debts, some quite substantial, and I’ve never had to die to do so.
You mean, an error like saying that bats are birds (Lev. 11:13-19) or that grasshoppers have four legs (Lev. 11:20-22)?
Or do you mean big errors like the earth being flat, or that there was once a worldwide flood?
Look at it this way - when you die, if you’re wrong and the Koran is a myth, you’ve lost nothing. You’ve lived a happy life, and your faith in Allah has filled you with peace and joy throughout your life. On the other hand, if the Koran is true, and Mohammed (peace be unto him) really brought the word of Allah, then you’ll have lost everything.
Look at it this way - when you die, if the Flying Spaghetti Monster doesn’t exist, you’ve lost nothing. But if he does, and you haven’t followed his rules, then you won’t get to spend eternity in heaven with the beer volcano and the stripper factory.
Sorry, but Pascal’s wager is a crap argument.
August 7th, 2007 at 1:15 am
I don’t think this will make a difference to those who have not accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior but it might clarify some things for those who have. Every one has sinned except for Jesus. The verse that says, “The wages of sin is death” is talking about spiritual death. There is another verse that says, “It is appointed to man once to die and after that the judgement.” All of us die physically, some of us die spiritually. We will be judged by God for our lives and how we lived. A good judgement results in life with the presence of God. A bad judgement means torment away from the presence of God. Even the best of us, excluding Jesus himself, are not worthy to receive a good judgement because we are all guilty of sin. Sin means missing the mark. We don’t measure up to the high standards needed to receive a good judgement. Jesus was the only one able to do that. But he was crucified as a criminal on a cross which was the form of punishment under the Roman rule of the time. After he physically died he spiritually died. Spiritual death means seperation from God. Our sins took him away from God, not his own. He took on the burden of our punishment by taking responsibility for our sins. Now here is the important part. Jesus rose again from physical and spiritual death and ascended to be with his Father, God, in heaven. The thing we have to do is decide whether or not we will accept all of this as truth or not. If we accept this as truth then a love for Jesus and what he has done for us develops. We also end up being saved from a bad judgement because when God looks at our record of sin He sees that Jesus has already paid the penalty. We chose to believe so we receive. If we reject this and say it is all a lie then we have no payment made for us because we rejected the hope that we had in Jesus. We chose not to believe so we do not receive. That’s it in a basic nutshell. There is a whole lot more questions I am sure both those who have accepted what Jesus has done for us and those who have not, will have but the main thing is to accept or not. Not accepting is rejecting. By the way I didn’t make up the rules. They are in the Bible. God made them.
October 14th, 2007 at 5:22 pm
The video says that Captain Hook is a “hero of kids and a parents friend”. And it has the Captain preaching the gospel!
I always thought Captain Hook was the villain.
November 20th, 2007 at 8:33 am
Wow,
I just read alot of “self-righteous unbelievers” attack Christians for trying to communicate faith on a level easily comprehended by children….. did I say children?
Isn’t it kind of funny that in most comments, the whole purpose has been ignored so aggresive unbelievers can attack Christians?
Just imagine if some local event held by an atheist group were videoed and then published to the world on the internet obviously without consent for the purpose of the atheistic view being attacked by Christians.
Honey, this is America!
And that means we all have the right to express our message to whomever we are able to communicate it to.
The desire for respect of belief, or unbelief is a two-way street.
I find my Atheist friends to be good people who desire the very same things my Christian friends desire:
Fulfilling lives, personal success, opportunity to help others, and the freedom to believe what you wish!
John