Tagline Dump

Tagline Dump

If you’ve gotten mail from me, you may have noticed that there’s a
randomly-generated tagline at the bottom. Here are some of the more
recent ones, that I haven’t sorted through yet. Some are by me; most aren’t. I’ve
linked to the original sources where creating a link didn’t involve a lot of work.

• No man is an island, but Gary is a city in Indiana.
• What is the sound of one HTH HAND clapping?
• “So… yeah.” — Eddie Izzard
• Outgoing messages are Turing Tested, and indistinguishable from human typing.
• More than just some of his parts.
• Clues really aren’t that expensive. Go get one.
• I like my coffee like I like my women: ground up and in the freezer.
• I’m deeply cynical about government motivations, and I vote.
• Pirate flag: -DARR_ME_MATEYS=aye
• “There’s a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think
  that I walk that line every day of my life.” — Red vs. Blue
• If politicians didn’t need us, they wouldn’t bother lying to us.
• May contain sarcasm.
• “Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS’s is like saying
  that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders” — bash.org/?top2
• LSD is for people who can’t handle Philip K. Dick.
• Excuse me, but I have minds to twist and values to warp.
• “Ann Coulter is the most successful troll in the history of
  US yellow journalism.” — Brian Miller
• (Exeunt, pursued by missiles.)
• “Peut-on rire du malheur des autres? Ca dépend… Si le malheur des
  autres est rigolo, oui.” — Geluck, Le Chat
  (Is it okay to laugh at others’ misfortune? If the misfortune
  of others is funny, then yes.)
• Sarcasm? Yeah, that’ll work.
• Extraordinarily idiotic claims require extraordinary snarkiness.
• “Asshole” is not an alternate lifestyle.
• If it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
• Secret hacker rule #12: hackers Google error messages.
• I don’t want “Fair and Balanced”. I want to know what the hell is going on!
• This isn’t rocket surgery.
• My invisible friend thinks you have issues.
• I don’t need therapy. I need money.
• “You don’t have to teach both sides of a debate if one side is a load of crap.”
  — Bill Maher on Intelligent Design
• If a tree falls in your head, does it make a sound?
• It is now safe to turn off your computer.
• 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
• On second thought, do let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.
• Jesus forgave me, so why can’t my victims’ parents?
• Some people are like slinkies: not really good for anything, but they still
  bring a smile to your face whenever you shove them down a flight of stairs.
• Fight all you want. Your futile struggling amuses us. — The EAC
• The Web is the sum of all human knowledge plus porn.
  — Ron Gilbert
• Give a man an answer, and he will stop pestering you. But teach
  a man to Google, and he will be a nuisance for the rest of his life.
• I’m not nuts. I’m condiments. I’ve been promoted.
• Welcome to the internet. Where men are men, women are men,
  and little girls are FBI agents.
• A rose by any other name might smell as sweet,
  but coffee with a French name is an extra $3.00.
• You know you’re in DC when your cat doesn’t
  just beg for food, he lobbies for it.
• I only eat vegetarian meat.
• “Remember, always be yourself. Unless you suck.” — Joss Whedon
• Jesus had two daddies.
• Keep your theology off my biology.
• Vows of abstinence break more easily than condoms.
• The rapture is not an exit strategy.
• Religious fundamentalists determined to strike within the United States.
• They hate us for our freedom fries.
• I don’t need an SUV. I already have a huge dick.
• First they came for Spongebob…
• Remember, with great power outages come great responsibility outages.
• Toute votre base sont appartiennent à nous!
• Faith may not move mountains, but you should see what it does to skyscrapers.
• Jesus loves me, but only for my money.
• Blasphemy is a blast for me.
• Not available in religious
• If God made man out of dirt, why is there still dirt?
• Jesus died for our sins, so let’s fuck.
• Jesus love me long time!
• Religion is like underwear. We know you got it.
  But we don’t want to see it in public.
• Future transitional fossil
• Can’t think for myself or God will smite me.
• Why kill them with kindness when you can use an axe?
• I only support gay marriage if both chicks are hot.
• I’m part of the problem.
• I taught your girlfriend that thing you like.
• Your sister is hot, but your mom does that thing with her tongue.
• Why couldn’t Dorothy throw water on Pat Robertson?
• “The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.”
  — W. Somerset Maugham
• “If faith had such powers, why is it we didn’t accomplish anything in
  science until we’d abandoned it?” — PZ Myers
• Arensburger’s Law: There is no task, software package, or piece of equipment
  so simple that it cannot be made to require a dedicated admin.
• Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.
• If we are all God’s children, what makes Jesus so special?
• Love the dinner, hate the din.
• I have a brown belt in Emacs.
• Theodicy recapitulates idiocy.
• There are two kinds of Republicans: millionaires and suckers.
• You’d be surprised how easy it is to herd cats when you sling an opened
  can of catfood or spill milk willy-nilly in your desired direction.
• If all else fails, stop using all else.
• If at first you don’t succeed, blame marketing.
• Don’t take candy from strangers unless they offer you a ride.
• If it involves a meatloaf and a plunger, don’t do it.
• Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder.
• I want to leave this world the way I arrived:
  screaming and covered in someone else’s blood.
• Just 2,358,088 more days until I start caring what you think!
• I’m not good at empathy. Will you settle for sarcasm?
• It doesn’t matter if you win or lose. It only matters that I win.
• Thank you. You may go.
• Shut up now while you’re still credible.
• Again, I find myself not giving a crap.
• How ’bout you go play “drink what’s under the sink”?
• Oh, gee, let me go find a container for my joy.
• Surely that isn’t your actual opinion.
• The more you talk, the less I care.
• Why do you bother?
• Why don’t you make like a mime and bleed to death in my trunk?
• What manner of jackassery will you subject us to today?
• Let’s be strangers.
• The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it’s on the list.
• I’d love to stay and chat, but no.
• Saturday has a morning?
• You call this a side quest?
• What manner of douchebaggery is this?
• If at first you don’t succeed, you must be installing Windows.
• Help! I’m online and I can’t get off!
• Bandwidth! More bandwidth!
• Honk if your keyboard has a horn.
• I get my revenge in the boss’s coffee pot.
• Well, my fun meter is pegged.
• Legally, it’s questionable. Morally, disgusting. Personally, I like it.
• I’m not cynical, everything just sucks.
• I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
• I’m great in bed. I could sleep all day.
• My giant robot can beat up your giant robot.
• Don’t bother me. I’m wasting my potential.
• No coffee, no workee.
• Examine your beliefs.
• Relish today. Ketchup tomorrow.
• Lead me not into temptation. Just tell me where it is.
• Think globally. Act galactically.
• To reveal secret message, tap with hammer
  —> here <—
• Please put all criticisms in the form of a compliment.
• Spay Britney.
• Stop whining and plot your revenge.
• When life gives you scurvy, make lemonade.
• Avoid being scammed. Send me $5 to find out how.
• National Sarcasm Society.
  Like we need your support.
• Have you read that Bible you’re thumping?
• Time is a great healer, but a lousy beautician.
• If I’d known we stop getting recess, I would have refused to grow up.
• Life sucks, then life sucks some more.
• That which does not kill you still requires a co-pay.
• I’m not aging, I’m taking on an antique patina.
• Nothing says “I love you” like violating a restraining order.
• It’s not who you know, it’s whom you know.
• A bad analogy is like a leaky screwdriver.
• Don’t worry, I have a plan. I’ll need a lunch tray and a badger.
• Quotation marks are “not” for emphasis.
• Top ten reasons to procrastinate:
  1:
• Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it.
• The police never think it’s as funny as you do.
• Fake is the new real.
• There’s no “I” in team, but there is in pie.
• I’d call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth.
• Fuck vulgarity.
• Fuck off!
  (This message brought to you by the First Amendment.)
• Sorry, I was just fantasizing about your death.
• You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,
  but I can teach your grandma to suck cock.
• I signed up for Apathetics Anonymous, but never bothered to go.
• Fortune favors the bacon.
• Only slightly batshit unstable.
• I do all my own sex scenes.
• Uberpwnage. I has it.
• Zombies only love you for your brains.
• Danger: Snarky.
• Invisible giving a shit.
• Hewn from raw awesome.
• Hella snarky.
• Hold my beer. I’m being raptured.
• I reserve the right to tell you to go fuck yourself.
• Do you have any idea who I think I am?
• Only users lose drugs.
• There’s a fine line between “never say die” and dumb as a rock.
• There is no team in “fuck you”.
• I believe I was promised a jet pack?
• Do not set self on fire.
• Doing strange things in the name of strange.
• “Ow!” is not a safeword.
• Pie needs no explanation.
• If God didn’t want us to eat bacon, why did he make it out of bacon?
• Fuck you is the new fuck you.
• Never, ever pass up an opportunity to yell, “You clumsy fool!”